There’s something I have to confess: I’ve lost my horror film mojo.
It was easy when I was younger. I used to revel in the cheap scares, at victims’ desperate cries for help, and at the ridiculous amounts of blood spurting out of vital arteries.
But somewhere along the way, I lost my nerve. Now I get anxiety attacks just sitting through Diagnosis: Murder reruns (What are you laughing at?! It’s a good show!). This sad state of affairs became perfectly obvious when my friend Jose and I went to see The Orphanage and I spent half the movie with my eyes shut.
“Oh my God, you are a little biatch!” was the first thing Jose said when the lights came on. Sadly, I had to agree.
All of which makes me so-not-the-target-audience for the Downtown Independent’s Severed Head Horror Film Festival, which takes place October 30-31st. I mean I’d go if I could, but, um… I’ve made others plans. Yeah, that’s it.
I mean it certainly is enticing. For $10, you get to more bloody disgusting horror movies than you can shake a machete at. And they’ll be offering $2 beer– how great is that?
Just take a look at the twisted goodies they have for you on Friday:
2 p.m.
Short: Pumpkin Hell
Feature: A Gothic Tale - A dark and twisted story inspired by three gothic masterpieces: Edgar Allan Poe’s The Tell-Tale Heart, Nathaniel Hawthorne’s Dr. Heidegger’s Experiment, and Robert Louis Stevenson’s Markheim.
4 p.m.
Short: This Is A Tale About Ted and Alice
Feature: Squeal – An indie rock band on its first tour gets stranded on a country road and stumble onto a genetic science experiment gone terribly wrong. (In the words of that redneck guy in Deliverance: “I bet you can squeal like a pig.”)
6 p.m.
Short: Creepers
Feature: Alien Raiders - A small town grocery store is attacked by armed intruders, taking employees and shoppers hostage. But it soon becomes clear that they’re not there for the money.
8 p.m.
Short: Psycho Hillbilly Cabin Massacre
Feature: Audie and The Wolf - When the moon is full, a friendly wolf turns into a savage, bloodthirsty MAN and goes on a kill spree in a starlet’s Hollywood mansion. Hilarity ensues.
10 p.m.
Short: Kirksdale
Feature: The Attic Expeditions - Sentenced to a long stay in a mental hospital after brutally killing his girlfriend, a young man begins to wonder if the murder ever really happened, or if it’s all just a horrible fantasy implanted in his brain by the sinister director of the asylum.
12 a.m.
Feature: Special Dead - When a zombie plague infects Camp Special Dude, a dude ranch for the mentally handicapped, a ragtag band of campers and counselors struggles to survive the night. Led by the indifferent, nun-chuck-wielding head counselor, Mac, and his wheelchair-bound sister Dale, the unlikely heroes fight their way off the mountain as, one by one, they’re picked off and join the ranks of the walking dead.
Actually, the lot of those do sound plenty exciting. But I really do have other plans for tomorrow. They involve a mad doctor, freeze rays, a corporate tool, and singing. Lots and lots of singing.
